Dark Matter

Dark Matter.
You know...
The physics phudge phactor
Conveniently used (by scientists)
When things in the universe
Don’t add up.

I wonder if I could use
Dark Matter
When things in MY universe
Don’t add up?

Like...

I’ve been trying for a while
To reconcile
My checkbook...
“Dark Matter -$5.39”
There!
Now it adds up!

I step onto the bathroom scale.
“Cookies + ice cream cone + barbecue...
Doesn’t add up to THAT much!
Must be Dark Matter-
The ethereal material
Is weighing me down.”

I pull in too close
To the right-hand garage wall.
Again.
My husband says,
“Your visual perception is out of whack.”
“No.” I say, “It’s Dark Matter.”
“It distorts garage gravity, you know.”

Ahh...
I think I’m catching on
To this fudge factor thing.
Just wait ‘till you see
How I use Dark Energy!